Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
