Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
