One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize