so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
