I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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