Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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