are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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