KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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