no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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