When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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