You're completely useless in the revolution.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
