So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All the doctor said was why
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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