it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
