i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
