it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
