we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
