i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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