youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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