Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
