she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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