I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
