Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
