I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
