My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize