Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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