"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
