Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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