HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
