Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
this hospital has no fireball
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
