so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
