Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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