Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
