My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
