so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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