So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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