you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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