Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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