Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
