My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
