Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
