All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
