Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
