Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just puked most of my soul out..
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