you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
