That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
