just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
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