I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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