remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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