When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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