wat bout pragnant strippers??
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
