I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
