I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
