I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
