the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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