i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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