Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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