I don't think brook has ever known best
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
