why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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