Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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