sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
two words: eviction party
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
