Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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