The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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