Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
