Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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