I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
