the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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