Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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