Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I need to stop coming to work sober
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
