why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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